Second Class Moms, Girlfriends, and Wives for Some Black Men

This is my take on women and how we are told that our black men and boys should be protected at any cost, even when it comes to their decisions on love….sometimes at our own detriment.

We are always asked as black women to share our men.   Share our men with their mothers, their job, and other lovers.   We are told that according to our African culture we practiced polygamy and instead of fighting another black woman for his love, his sex, him period….we should share him…because he is a protected class.  We are not allowed to be selfish when it comes to a black man.  We should be grateful to have experienced black men in there barest form, which to many means just the fact that they are a “protected class.”

In relationships, we are told to accept our position even at our own detriment, our own self-worth.  To find out you are not the only women in his life…that you were only a placeholder at that minute, at that time and place that she or they weren’t available.

  • To experience the pain of knowing that you have invested your mind, body, and soul to a man that should be protected only for him to make a fool out of you in public or private is devastating.
  • Having a black man that you rallied behind and loved deeply, only to have him get someone else pregnant.
  • To marry this black man in front of god’s eyes, only for him to say the same words in private to someone else after your honeymoon is over is revealing.
  • To fight another woman over this man you thought was yours, only to know that he never really respected you on any level, shatters your worth.

And we are taught very early that our black boys and men are the RACE.  That as women and girls, we are second class in this society and our values, morals, and some of our social development is on understanding their plight, while subduing our emotions, and providing an environment that can help HIM.  I seen this video of a young 15/16 year old girl and her “man” or what she thought was her man.  He broke up with her on camera and she was crying uncontrollably.  She had a blanket wrapped around her with shorts and a tank, I believe.  Looks like he broke up with her in another spot and she followed him to know why, and to ask for forgiveness.  So they are on the subway platform where he’s videotaping her crying pitifully, he’s laughing telling her to leave him alone that he doesn’t want her anymore, and she is trying to move in closer, literally begging him for anything chance and asking for forgiveness for anything she may have done to him to discard her so easily.

It broke my heart because I remember a time in my life when I literally begged a man to stay and not leave.  I remember being on the floor, grabbing his leg and crying uncontrollably, asking for forgiveness too.  He looked at me and said, he was going, and walked out that door.  At that time, I was at my lowest point in my life and I didn’t know it.  Because I wasn’t told how important I was as a young lady in this world.  No self-esteem to stand up and look him in the face and say, if you leave, don’t expect me to run after you.”

Whether we are kids, young ladies or women, somewhere in our lives we are told to ACCEPT something a man does or say….and even though we hear it from our men….we are also told this our black women.  Our ancestors or the HIStory of our ancestors that showed us that they stayed for many years without complaints and we should do the same if our protected class men fuck up, or do us wrong.  We are not that generation anymore!!!!

Our black women are angry!!!!

We are angry because we are tired of hearing that we should take a back seat when a black man is in our presence. That we look good fighting at the front lines along our black man, but in love we should expect him to be loved by many and to share, settle, and be quiet.  Monogamy is the man’s choice and only then, if he chooses, we will then not share him.  And as we have seen, marriage is not the monogamy train as expected.  Those vows have to be spoken, acknowledged, practiced, and remain a stable in his actions and words.  That type of dedication transcends his ego and protected class mentality…and I don’t think many understand that.   This exceptionalism or ego they have that we have filled is coming back to haunt us.  And we are getting angry because that type of power shouldn’t be negatively impacting our worth….at any age.

So we are realizing that it’s OK to walk away and not suffer at the hands of some black men.  That all are not leaders more should we put that title on them unless their actions follow what they say.  We are starting to hold our heads up high and asking, no demanding to be respected.  But if you walk away, you just walk away.  For some of us I am not obligated to follow you because I am enough and if you don’t see it, me begging you won’t show my worth.  I’m not saying all of our women and girls have it right and know our self-worth.  I still see videos and stories where we will continue to fight, scream, and bite for a black man.  What I’m saying is that we are angry and have been for many years.  A lot of us would love to submit and provide for someone whose investment package aligns with what we bring to the table.  But we are not investing in someone that will use his “protected class” status to lower our standards, allowing us to remain as second class women, lovers, moms, and PEOPLE.  Our black women are angry and loving a black man should be a consistent highlight that illuminates us…not be the nails in our coffin from a lifetime of abuse, suffering, and invisibility. – AcademicHustler1975

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